OBJECTIVES: to describe the grief of mothers and fathers and its influence on their relationships after the loss of a stillborn baby. DESIGN: a postal questionnaire at three months, one year and two years after stillbirth. SETTING: a study of mothers and fathers of babies stillborn during a one-year period in the Stockholm region of Sweden. PARTICIPANTS: 55 parents, 33 mothers and 22 fathers. FINDINGS: mothers and fathers stated that they became closer after the loss, and that the feeling deepened over the course of the following year. The parents said that they began grieving immediately as a gradual process, both as individuals, and together as a couple. During this grieving process their expectations, expressions and personal and joint needs might have threatened their relationship as a couple, in that they individually felt alone at this time of withdrawal. While some mothers and fathers had similar grieving styles, the intensity and expression of grief varied, and the effects were profound and unique for each individual. KEY CONCLUSIONS: experiences following a loss are complex, with each partner attempting to come to terms with the loss and the resultant effect on the relationship with their partner. IMPLICATIONS FOR PRACTICE: anticipating and being able to acknowledge the different aspects of grief will enable professionals to implement more effective intervention in helping couples grieve both individually and together.